he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
