I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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