I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
