i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
