u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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