she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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