a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
