I just threw up on my dentist
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
