I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
