And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We got so high we made milksteak
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
