does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
