your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize