May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
