i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
