If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
