I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
