I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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