david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
