dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
