girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
