but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
