He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
