we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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