Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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