Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
