I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
