The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
