If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
