Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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