He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
