think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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