i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
