Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
