you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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