lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
