just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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