So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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