I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
