I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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