One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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