Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
