I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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