Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
