I heard we made out
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
