So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
