my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
