just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
