Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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