All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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