the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
