You smell like a Billy Joel song
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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