If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize