So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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