you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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