My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
