Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
