My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
