Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
