No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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