The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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