I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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