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I accidentally had phone sex last night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
