You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
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You're a waste of cheezeits
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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