all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
