I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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