i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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