I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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